Recently Gayle King asked artist and abuse survivor FKA twigs (Singer) why she didn’t leave her abusive relationship.
Recently Gayle King asked artist and abuse survivor FKA twigs (Singer) why she didn’t leave her abusive relationship with actor Shia Labeouf and received blowback. Also, Tanya Selvaratham, the ex-girlfriend of former NYS AG Eric Schneiderman, who she accused of IPV during their relationship released a the book where she touches upon why survivors choose to stay. : Gail asked a question that most people ask, why she stayed. This kind of questioning is victim blaming and we should not ask survivors why they didn’t leave. Other questions people ask is why didn’t they fight back and if they have children, why did they put their children in harm’s way. What we should ask is what supports would have helped them be safe or be able to tell someone. What supports should their family and friend provide to help them? What social service programs are helpful for survivors and what resources should be made available? Alternatives to ask? Maybe when did you decide to leave. Or what was the last straw. How did you make the decision to leave, what barriers prevented you from leaving IPV is complex. While some survivors are able to recognize that they are experience abuse and respond by ending the relationship, other’s may not recognize that they are being abused. This could be because they have never experienced it before, are coerced, gaslighted or it has been normalized in their family or from a past relationship. Survivors may stay because they hope that things will change. because they are afraid to leave and may escalate the abuse. because they are financially dependent on the person that is causing harm or have children and don’t want to break up the family. Survivors may stay because they love the person that is causing harm and want them to get help.
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